the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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