Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
