i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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