Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
