If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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