Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
