I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
