you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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