He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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