so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize