My boss' voice literally gives me gas
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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