Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
