I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
