WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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