Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
