Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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