hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
