I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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