so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
