I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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