He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
