It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
