bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
