my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
