you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
