The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
