So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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