Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
