At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
