FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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