A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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