Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
