Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
