I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
