i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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