Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
