never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
how does that bad decision feel?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
