so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
