i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
