At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
