There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica