By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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