white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just wanna be euthanized
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life