omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked