I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dating After Heartbreak
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.