Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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