remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
