lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's blow job season.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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