i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
