operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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