dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
