Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Houston, we have a blender
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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