im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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