If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
