I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
