I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
