he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
