Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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