everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am available for nakedness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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