I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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