It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
