Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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