Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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