Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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