I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
