at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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