Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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