hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
