i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
