I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
