so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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