remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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