dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
