I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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