That's intense
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
