Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
