When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
