drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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