wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
