just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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