And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
