im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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