You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
