I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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