I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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